a note to self
1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.
2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.
3. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come- get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed- you will think about the bus again.
4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.
5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.
6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.
7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway? Get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.
8. When you feel the yearning for a new city- start over. Take 200 bucks and three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.
9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.
10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic.
Do you hear that? It’s me. It’s your life. Wake up.
- You don’t have to achieve great things by the time you’re 25
- You have intrinsic value above and beyond your perceived utility to other people and society at large.
- You don’t have to have sex, or have sex in any way that you find uncomfortable or unpleasant, to keep anyone’s love or good opinion of you. They didn’t love you or think very well of you to start with if they demand it.
- You don’t have to stay with someone who isn’t meeting your emotional or sexual needs because they need you, or you’ve been with them for awhile, or you need to be in a relationship. You need you. Your time is your own and it is finite.
- It’s ok to work at a job you enjoy that doesn’t make you miserable even if it’s not a career and it won’t “lead to anything.”
- Your life is not a narrative. It is not leading to anything, there is no overarching thesis, it does not have themes beyond the usual shared cultural experiences of your time and place. This is ok. It does not mean that your life is without purpose or meaning.
- It’s ok not to like or get along with the vast majority of people you encounter, so long as you afford them the same respect, courtesy and dignity that they afford you.
- Expensive is not always better.
- Failure is temporary if you’re still alive.
- People are both much better and much worse than you’d suspect, but usually not all at once.
- Stop thinking of your future self as a different person and it will be easier to prevent money and health problems.
- Let people help you, lean on them when you need to, and be available to help, but don’t swing too far in either direction. Try to carry your half of the life basket as evenly as you can.
- Set boundaries, and do not be afraid to kick people out of your life who disregard them. You will not end up alone and unloved. People who love you will be ok with your boundaries.
- Your power does not come from money or beauty, but from seeing life steadily and wholly, from a curious and thoughtful mind, and from your ability to say no when you want to, and yes when you want to, and I don’t know when you don’t know.
- There will be bad times, maybe lots of bad times, but not only bad times.
- Love will not heal the wounds in your soul, but love can give you the impetus to begin the work of healing yourself.
- Life might be a long series of starting over, and that’s alright.
- You’re really cool, you’re really beautiful, you’re really special. Really. Not to everyone, but to a lot of someones sometimes.
songs featuring Grant Gustin: a masterpost
I converted his YouTube videos into mp3 format and even increased the volume on some songs. :) Unfortunately, I cannot edit out background noise/audience applause, but enjoy anyway! All links open new tabs/windows and this will be updated if more songs are posted. Glee covers are also included.
- Runaway With Me - watch » mediafire
- Along the Way - watch » mediafire
- Good Morning - watch » mediafire
- Next to Lovin’ - watch (sings at 0:29) » mediafire
- Seize the Day/Go the Distance - watch / from another angle (sings at 1:25) » mediafire
- Corner of the Sky - watch » mediafire
- Little Red Hat - watch » mediafire
- Serious - watch » mediafire
- Disappear - watch » mediafire
If you are having any problems downloading or the mediafire links above are no longer working, please send me a message.
Since Mediafire is deleting my links for Glee songs, I provided links from the Glee Music Downloads tumblr.
- Bad - watch on youtube / tumblr
- Smooth Criminal - watch on youtube / tumblr
- I Want You Back - watch on youtube / tumblr
basically, anyone reading this knows that tumblr + studying = difficult. we’re all procrastinators. so i thought i’d share my favorite ways to crack down, not suck, and make it through finals week. you’ll need
- this or this. it’ll whip your ass into gear. you name a list of websites that distract you, set a timer, and bam. no more hour long study breaks. the best - or worst - part is, it can’t be undone by the application, by deleting the application, or by restarting the computer. you just gotta wait, and if you’re going to wait, you may as well study.
- goals. when you sit down to study, write down everything you’re going to do. then do it. aimlessly staring at your books won’t do shit.
- something to listen to. i suggest movie scores, song covers by the vitamin string quartet, or white noise.
- a queue. if you’re really obsessed with keeping your blog up to date, set aside some time, fatten up your queue, and let your blog run itself for a few days.
- breaks. during your breaks, dance, run around, work out, go for a walk, talk to your friends, call your mom. going back on the internet is an easy way to get out of the mood, so i wouldn’t suggest it.
- tea and coffee - if not for the caffeine, then for the feeling of cozying up with your text books and feeling studious.
- a place to study. it doesn’t matter if it’s in a coffee house, a library, or your kitchen table. as long as your bed’s not in sight and tempting you into a nap, you’re good.
that’s all i’ve got. i’d try to think of more, but that, my friends, would be procrastinating. off to study.
bringing this back because IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN
One of our favorite things about the holiday season is the recap of the year in books! Publications, websites, and readers everywhere begin pulling together what they think is the cream of the crop — the best books of the year. Take a look below through some of the lists we’ve pulled together, and keep an eye here for additions to the list as we approach the end of this stellar literary year.
50 photos of → darren criss (18/50)